I don't know why I'm doing this but for some reason I feel I need to. Last year I attempted suicide and successfully failed. An oxymoron but it fits. Since then I have had to tear down who I was and rebuild from nothing. I've had to change feelings and thoughts that have been embedded in me since before kindergarten. Expression is what I fear of not being able to show. Art and writing is who I am ...
This was said by Kate, it is that quote I was looking for, back on the day I missed her terribly.
A month and a half ago I attempted suicide and I'm not ready to call it a successful failure. If you have questions, ask them. I find keeping this to myself only increases the constant tension in my chest. It's so hard to keep a lie straight when you don't know who knows which versions of the truth. [[You are neurotic and depressed does not mean that you are sad.]]
But I like this quote of Kate's. I like it because for her, it was true. For her she climbed out, and made it, and found her art, her life, love. I like it because when I read it, I miss her terribly, but I think, 'hey, if she did, so I can I'.
I like it because Kate said it, and maybe I'm not the fox, maybe there's things I'm not quite so brave on, but maybe, just maybe, for this I can brave enough.
You know if you want to talk about it, I'm here.
ReplyDelete